De-Fluffing
First off, you can’t become non-fluffy simply by wanting to be part of the non-fluff group. There is no non-fluff group. There are only people.
You can look, act, and try to be non-fluffy, but you’re forgetting that it’s a personal growth term. No one knows your own fluffy level as well as you do, and in the meantime, just trying won’t fool anyone else.
So, here are some ways to raise your Fluff-Esteem:
- Do some soul-searching. If my page has hit some painful spots in your psyche, then that’s a good start. Realize which “bad” parts of yourself you’ve rationalized around with loophole logic, and honestly come to terms with the parts of yourself you don’t like. (See Question #9 in the FAQ for a good example.)
Especially, don’t try to make yourself sound more “special” than you are. There’s nothing more pathetic than watching a kid trying to convince himself that he was King Lizard of Atlantis in a previous lifetime because last week he got dry, itchy skin. And that’s only an extreme example. It’s just as bad to try to impress people with your Authentic Oathbound Druid mystic-tarot-reading skills. Be honest. So you read cards, and you happen to think the Druids were cool dudes. Really, that’s good enough, don’t you think?
If you’re going to join a group, question your motives. (So you don’t like Christianity because sex is a sin? Do you really have to join another group who says sex is “okay” before you can feel better about having sex? Why don’t you just follow your OWN morals?) And if you DO join a group, don’t swallow the bandwagon whole — ask questions, argue over points you don’t agree with, and basically stay true to yourself… even if this makes people mad, and you lose popularity points. Now, I’m not saying this is easy. But it’s YOU.
Gnothe Seauton — Know Thyself. - Keep your mouth shut unless you have something useful to say. (Take a moment to consider the thousands of Wicca101 webpages out there that all say exactly the same thing. See what I mean?) Don’t assume that other people want to hear everything you know about a certain topic. Start explaining only if a person asks directly, and even then, keep it brief.
Never, ever consider yourself an “authority” — there will always be someone else who knows twice as much as you do, whether it be about Wicca, herbs, or life in general. An excellent example is the kid who shows up in your #wicca chat room, so desperate for alternatives to a personal problem, that he wants to try a spell. Nevermind that this guy automatically knows more about his situation than the rest of you — that never matters to the fluffies. Sit back and watch the “wise ones” try to be therapists, asking him questions, picking apart his motives, telling him what to do differently. (Anything, anything but the spell that he originally asked for.)
Years from now, you’ll look back into Wicca message boards and notice that the less a person knows, the more they have to say about it. Even worse, these people repeat each other. Scary. So, which would you rather have coming out of your mouth — quantity or quality? - Don’t start calling other people fluffy or reciting parts of my page now that you’ve “seen the light.” It’s just as bad as what you were doing before.
(I didn’t think this would become a problem. But unfortunately, it has. Tell people to think for themselves, and what do they do? Repeat you.) - Think for yourself. You don’t. Really. Most of what goes on in your head is either a) replay of past events or b) stuff you’ve read/seen/heard from other people. This is not thinking, this is record-playing — and most of the population is guilty of it without realizing it, so don’t feel too bad.
When somebody tells you that you shouldn’t do, say, a love spell, you’ll usually take their word for it because you saw the same thing in a book somewhere. How pathetic. Sheep, sheep, sheep! Take charge of your own brain. Really think about it. See if you still agree. (“Will my love spell really work so well that it will turn somebody into a will-less love slave or a crazed stalker? Will I get threefold return for it? When’s the last time I actually experienced “threefold return” anyway, or is that a bunch of crap I’m mindlessly repeating, too?”)
Apply this to everything, even if it’s painful to think about. (Especially if it’s painful to think about.) Do it all of the time. Don’t wander around like a zombie — decide how and why you’re going to cross the street, finish a project, or plop down in front of the TV. Taking control of your own brain is the #1, primo, uno big trick in becoming a witch (read: someone with magical powers). After that, it’s easy to figure out what you want to learn, how to go about it, and which books are “full of it” along the way. - Research, research, research. So you’ve decided that you like the Goddess. Which Goddess? Come on, think. (Can you honestly reconcile Aphrodite and Kali as two parts of the same Goddess, or are you just accepting what you’ve heard, again? Heck, do you even really BELIEVE in a Goddess? I’m going to make this example easy on you and assume that you’ve encountered some sort of proof….)
The Goddess Diana, maybe? Okay. So, how much do you know about her? Maybe you already have a Llewellyn book that says she was the One Goddess of an ancient vegan matriarchal religion in the wonderful peaceful Good Old Days before the Christians came along. But, buy another book and you’ll find out that there really wasn’t an ancient vegan matriarchal religion, OR any Good Old Days, and that Diana was part of that whole Greek thing. Bummer. Read another book, learn the stories about her, and you’ll find out that she had some major lesbian overtones going. (“Hey, they never mentioned that in my coven!”) Cool, maybe; or maybe you’re not into that. Maybe that creeps you out, and you have to admit that she’s not for you. Be honest about it. Hey, if you’re gonna worship somebody, at least make some effort to understand them first. Don’t put some sunflowers on her altar “because it feels right” only to learn later that Diana really, really HATES sunflowers.
Want to know why you’ll never see a real, hardcore Wiccan wearing a plate-sized pentacle in the supermarket line? They take it much more seriously than that — seriously enough, and researched enough, to know that the pentacle is a protective amulet, hidden to preserve its power, not just “another symbol like the cross.”
The point is, don’t do anything if you’re going to do it half-@ssed. You can never be a “witch,” “mage,” “adept” etc if you’re just getting by with enough bells and whistles to show off and make other people think you’re serious. We’re talking real work and dedication, here. If you’re not going to be serious, you should just give up right now.
When you’re at the right point, you’ll no longer care about your fluff/non-fluff staus… you’ll already be too deep along in the expertise of your choice to worry about it. At that point, man, you’re There… you’ve made it… you’re not a fluff anymore. Not that you’ll care. =)
Good luck.
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